World Autism Awareness Week 2021...
I still continue to beat myself over it. I wish I did. It took twelve and a bit years, before Tim was finally diagnosed with autism. I feel disappointed why it wasn't picked up while he was at nursery and then school. To be honest he had the most miserable time, during his first four years in his first primary school, then one year in his second school and then dropped out of school in year 5, until finally, with the help of my local MP Keir Stammer, the right school came along. Tim's last year in primary school year 6, was the most enjoyable experience he had. An Education Health and Care plan was finally put in place before he entered into year 7.
I was happy and so relieved, Tim finally was about to get the right help tailored to his own needs. He was encouraged to develop in all the things he enjoyed doing with plenty of help along the way. During his last year in primary school he was encouraged to develop further with music. In his free time he enjoyed tinkering on the piano as well as taking it seriously. In fact he became so good at piano, he then decided he wanted to take it further. School encouraged him and helped him to slowly grow with confidence through his music. He was encouraged to perform at school during various performances taking place at the time.
Tim-Benjamin was a late learner when it came to maths and english. He was non-verbal until the age of 4 and when he was 5 and 6 he struggled to talk. He had developed a stutter because of the difficulty of getting his words out. So he was a very late reader and struggled to make sense when it came to numbers. Maths and English was just one of those subjects he struggled tremendously but managed to learn both subjects with dificulty at his own pace with help. His favourite activity was always playtime. He enjoyed climbing frames with a few friends from his class and particularly enjoyed school outings with Mummy during his last year in primary school.
Tim's now 14. Since his diagnosis, he now seems more accepting of himself. He is more settled at home and school, because of all the right support and encouragement he continues to receive. He has now found a few things he particularly enjoys doing at school and home. Both environments continue to be carefully tailored to Tim's needs and it's getting there.
I look back and think of a few particular memories which stood out to me about Tim. I kind of continue to beat myself over it, from time to time. Wish it could had been different when it came to Tim. Of course... Tim's behaviour should have been an alarm bell, which stood out in many occasions . Many times he was characterised as a badly behaved boy for putting himself out doing something unusual. We didn't know this at the time. Of course, Tim-Benjamin had high spectrum autism. Until today, I can't understand why it wasn't picked up by his peers. In my opinion it is a condition which needs to be picked up asap in order find some direction of the not knowing... "For crying out loud, what's wrong with my child"
Finally I feel relived Tim-Benjamin's future looks brighter. I feel so encouraged to share my own personal journey living with a child who has autism, just as I am reminded always about the woman I met, a complete stranger, who sat in front of me on the bus. At the time we asumed Tim had ADHD, that's what we thought because of his bad behaviour and urge of not wanting to keep still. I remember speaking about it with my daughter about Tim's fidgeting as he sat at the front of the bus, behind the driver. It was his constant pacing we talked about.
I will always call her my angel, this total stranger who sat in front of us, turned round as she smiled and began talking to us about Tim Benjamin... "Your son reminds me a lot about my son," she said. "How old is he?" "My son Tim-Benjamin is 10 years old." "Sorry, I overheard your conversation with your girl. Your son doesn't have ADHD" "I can see he is spinning, pacing back and forth in a repetitive manner, as he says two words only in a repetitive manner also. Your son reminds me of my son. I know this, because this is what my son did when he was your son's age. I can see he has Autism." "Is that what he has?" I said. I almost cried, not sure why. It was the shock of not knowing and now knowing. It was that feeling like something hidden was about to be revealed. It felt it was a serious condition when she mentioned the word Doctor. "You should take him to your GP to push for a diagnosis asap" I looked at her with a sense of relief as I smiled back at her and said thank you. I look back at that very moment and definitely I feel so grateful what she did for my son. She gave me the information I so badly needed and that push to do something for Tim-Benjamin. I hope one day I could do the same, to help someone else out there. After I got off the bus, I went home to research about autism. The more I read about it, the more positive I felt to book an appointment with the GP. I was now adamant autism was connected to his constant melt downs. It wasn't fair he was punished and branded as a naughty boy. Why? Why was Tim so erratic? What's wrong with this boy? my husband always use to say.
Felt bad and helpless at the time not being able to fully understand how to help Tim. To be honest I felt at times, like a crapy parent not doing enough to help Tim-Benjamin. As parents we couldn't understand why our son was so incredibly sensitive, to the point he became so frustrated and angry at particular things, which led to continuous meltdowns at home and school. While he was at school in year 4, Tim didn't like to be punished for misbehaving badly. Being punished was Tim's worst nightmare. But why Mummy! I didn't do it! One particular trait I picked up about Tim, if everyone was running towards one direction, Tim would be running the opposite way. If everyone was throwing a ball into the air together, Tim would be throwing it a few seconds later after they all threw the ball into the air. If everyone was told, this is not allowed, Tim would not understand fully what not allowed was, like letting the chickens out of their pen without permission at school. Tim Benjamin felt so misunderstood on many occasions for wanting to do things different, particularly if he was told not to do it. Tim's behaviour was extreme. There were moments he didn't wanted to go to school because of pressure, instead he preferred to stay home learning new things that were so particular to him in his own space 😊😊😊
TO BE CONTINUED...
TIM'S JOURNEY/WRITTEN BY IRENE KATHERINE
Comments